Mixed Emotions!

So this is going to be a big week for us! I finished my round of Femara (Letrozole) yesterday... We will be attending a class regarding IVF on Tuesday to learn about the process, risks and cost! I'm excited to see what our next step will be if this round doesn't work! Then we go Thursday to see if my ovaries responded to the Femara. If they did, I will take a shot Thursday evening to make me ovulate and then have my second IUI on Saturday! I'm so praying that this new drug works and we can avoid the more invasive procedure and the increaed cost. But we will do what we can to try to have a baby.

Some days are very hard knowing that many couples out there never have to and/or don't even begin to know the hardships of not being able to conceive naturally. I feel so alone sometimes among my friends, who all have children of their own. I know they support me and are there for me every day, but they truly cannot relate to my situation. And then there's the peole who honestly don't deserve to have children. Children are in homes where they are abused and not loved. No child should ever experience fear or pain at the hand of a parent, or anyone for that matter. I saw a facebook post once that ready, "Why is it that the worst mothers are also the ones who are the most fertile?" Oh my, some days that is my exact thought. Especially when I would, and will,  give everything I have to just have a chance for a baby. As I've said before, it's a road I never imagined being on in my life. By now, at the ripe ole age of 36, I should have the three children I've always wished for. But life threw me a curve ball... Each trip to the clinic is two and a half hours one way. I know it will be all worth it in the end, IF it works...That's another issue, it's not guaranteed.

I know I'm a downer today, but this is the life of infertility. You have good days and bad days.... You never know from day to day how you are going to feel. Everything that surrounds me reminds me I don't have children. Television shows, commercials, movies, friends, family and I could list many more. I love sitting down to watch TV and the commercial of a positive pregnancy test come up on the screen with a woman so excited about it turning positive. Which by the way, the commercial just played 5 minutes a go as I sit her on the couch watching TV and typing my blog. I can't escape it! And this totally consumes my life!

So this is my blog for today. I am going to go enjoy the day with my dear sweet husband. If you read my blogs, please send up some prayers that we get good news on Thursday! If you have children, hug them and appreciate the gift you have been given. Everyone have a happy Sunday!